So the Patriots veterans let the rookies play on the slip ‘n slide. Actually, it was more like the Patriots veterans forced the rookies to dive into the mud in full uniform, while everyone soaked in joy from their plight.

Do the Patriots partake in the time-honored — and new-generation of athlete hating — ritual of hazing? No, says offensive lineman and deadpan practitioner Matt Light.

“Have you ever seen any hazing done by any of us?” he asked a group of reporters whose curiosity centered on hazing — which Merriam-Webster says is a word created circa 1855, if you’re equally as curious — in Patriots training camp.

“Well what the heck was that mudslide business all about, Mister?” the reporters replied in nothing close to those paraphrased words.

“That’s a training technique in how they operate under pressure, as in like from a hose,” Light said, drawing the type of laughter that would cause an impartial judge of humor to caution, “not that much.”

Guy goes from knocking three dingers a night to rolling strikes for charity. Does this help his trade value?

Nickname thievery is nothing new to sports. “Pudge” has stuck with Ivan Rodriguez even after he stopped being a star catcher. It is a nickname somehow recycled from the days of Carlton Fisk’s batted-ball manipulation, despite their overlapping careers.

LaDanian Tomlinson, though more deserving of the “Darth Tomlinson” moniker, has been called “LT” for years, as if Lawrence Taylor — equally as great in post-career scandals as he was at playing linebacker — never existed.

And now, desperate to expand upon the attention beacons built with their touchdown celebrations, driveway ab workouts and power block of faux-reality shows on VH1, Chad OchoCinco is grasping for a tandem nickname to apply to himself and new teammate Terrell Owens. Brainstorming on Twitter, Senor OchoCinco suggested “Shrek n Donkey” due to his ability to “act an ass.”

Normally, that would be an appropriate suggestion. If only it were not on the heals of Nate Robinson and Glen Davis adopting the tandem nickname on the national stage. So back to the drawing board he goes — the vulgar drawing board.

Child please.

If Wesley Johnson, Minnesota’s top first-round pick, knows what’s good for him, he better have Delonte’s DO-NUTS!

P.S. Dez Bryant is lucky he’s not Delonte’s teammate. I’m not sure the “snitches get stitches” rule applies to his case, but there’s no doubt Redz could find a way.

Via @SarahPalinUSA:

I’m busy today so notify me asap when NAACP renders verdict: are liberty-loving, equality-respecting patriots racist?Bated breath,waiting…

No. It’s the equality-hating patriots. They’re the racists. But thanks for playing.