This is why they’re athletes, not orators. Dwyane Wade, leader of the new indestructible force that is the Miami Heat, via Fanhouse:

“If we lose a couple in a row this season, it will be like the World Trade (Center) is coming down again.”

The analogy section of the SAT was the most important part, and then they took it away. I’d say Wade might have failed that portion of the test. And no, Katrina, the Gulf oil spill and Pearl Harbor are not suitable replacements. That time when I was nine and chipped my tooth going over the handlebars of a bicycle, that fits.

“If we lose a couple in a row this season, it will be like [that time Adam flipped over the handlebars of a bicycle and chipped his tooth].”

See?

UPDATE: So, apparently there was a “transcription error” and Fanhouse has changed the quote to:

“Plus, there’s going to be times when we lose 2-3 games in a row, and it seems like the world has crashed down. You all are going to make it seem like the World Trade is coming down again, but it’s not going to be nothing but a couple basketball games.”

That’s some error.

What’s that? Celtics are rumored to be working on bringing back Nate Robinson, aka Ronnie from Role Models? If you don’t think that’s a fair comparison, check this Twitter convo between Robinson and teammate Shelden Williams.

@SheldenWilliams:

Haha why is @nate_robinson pinching people? What grown man still pinches? Hahaha! I haven’t been pinched since elementary til today haha!

@Nate_Robinson:

@SheldenWilliams is in the back of the bus cry n about me pinch n his arm wow get tough B #wordaapp

Man I’m a go to the back of the bus an step on @SheldenWilliams hush puppies he got on B #wordaapp

Case closed.

Flex offense? Yes, please:

Here’s a name to keep in mind for a possible spot on Rivers’ bench next season: Al Skinner. The former Boston College coach was rumored to be in contention for a number of college jobs, but none came through for him. Sources indicate Rivers and Skinner have had preliminary talks. The Celtics coaching staff has been decreased by one with Tom Thibodeau’s move to Chicago. Rivers has talked to former Nets head coach Lawrence Frank as well.

“You were the chosen one! It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them — bring balance to the Force, not leave it in darkness!” — Obi-Wan Kinobi at 1:00 min. mark

You didn’t think LeBron James would skip town without hearing the spiteful response of Cavs owner Dan Gilbert, did you? In an AP phone interview and curse-casting open letter, Gilbert lambasted James as a spoiled brat, the beneficiary of a “free pass.” While James’ departure from Cleveland may have left a bad taste in the mouth of some, Gilbert’s criticisms of “The King” are nothing but sweet, sweet music to my ears.

AP Interview, regarding James’ performance in playoff series with Boston:

“He quit,” Gilbert said. “Not just in Game 5, but in Games 2, 4 and 6. Watch the tape. The Boston series was unlike anything in the history of sports for a superstar.”

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Via The New York Times:

Last month, the standards editor at The New York Times wrote a memo that shocked — shocked! — bloggers everywhere. He asked Times writers to avoid using the word “tweet” (as in, “to say something on Twitter”).

“We don’t want to seem Paleolithic,” he wrote. “But we favor established usage and ordinary words over the latest jargon or buzzwords.”

I guess tweet is a buzzword. So from now on, let’s all call it “sending a tweet.” Also, I will not “mail” any ‘thank you’ cards — I will be sending a piece of mail. Because, when used as a verb, “mail” is such a buzzword of the 1800s. Same goes for “e-mail.” I will only be “sending an electronic mail” from here on out. Friggin’ jargon, always trying to butt its way into my writing.

AP Photo via Daylife

I’m not saying free agent big man Chris Bosh is guaranteed to end up in a Celtics uniform, but he’s guaranteed to end up in a Celtics uniform. Why? All signs point to yes, as everyone’s friend the magic 8 ball would say.

In the June 21st edition of The Sporting News, Bosh describes in four paragraphs his idol, Celtics forward Kevin Garnett. He revealed what he learned the first time he played against the Big Ticket:

“And that was when I realized I might like Kevin Garnett and I might want to do the things he is able to do, he might be my hero, but he has something — that fire — that I want to learn, too.”

How better to learn than by playing with him every day?